Pick
up Lines:
- Hey baby why don't you be my love buffet I'll lay you on the table
and take what I want.
- Will you play army men with me ... So I can blow the hell out
of you
- What do you say we'll go back to my crib and do some math: Add
a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs
and I'll multiply, It's easy it'll only take us all day.
- I can't make
a cherry pop but i sure know how to make a babnanna cream.
- I may not be Fred Flintstone ,but I bet I can make you bed rock
- Let's do breakfast tomorrow should I call you ou nudge you?
- Yo baby
,you be my Dairy Queen ,I'll be your Burger King,You treat me right
And I'll do it your way.
Why
a bike is like sex
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It's best to wear protective head gear when your going in unfamiliar
territory.
3. You can do it by yourself,but it's not as much fun.
4. Once you learn you never forget how.
5. You don't need any special clothing ,but you can if your really
in to it.
6. make sure you got a firm grip.
7. Once your over the top you can just roast the rest of the way.
8. That's why some of them are called mountain bikes.
Sex
Jokes:
A
guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender
looks at him and say's," See that woman over there, she will
give you a blow job and sing the National Anthem at the same time."
"No way," the guy say's. "oh yeah, and she only charges
$20." So he walks over and hands her a 20. She takes him into
a back room and shuts off the light. As she starts to give him head,
she also starts to sing. He couldn't believe it, the words came
out so clear that it was impossible. When she finished, he quickly
flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.
Sex
Jokes:
Three horny cheerleaders decide to take their boyfriends to a hotel
and get fucked. So they check in at the hotel and go to their rooms.
But their parents get worried for them and go looking for them.
They find the hotel and go inside. They go up into the hallway and
hear their girls. From one room they hear a loud scream. They barge
into the room and shout, "why are you screaming?". The
cheerleader replies, "because it hurts!". Then, in the
next room they here giggling, so they bust into the room and shout,
"why are you giggling?". The cheerleader says, "because
it tickles!". Then, the parents listen and listen, but can't
hear the last girl, so they ask the other two where she is. The
girls show them to the last girl's room, and kick down the door,
to find the last of the girls still being fucked. Her parents ask
her, "why the fuck weren't you screaming, or giggling?".
The cheerleader imediately answered, "but you told me not to
talk with my mouth full!"
Sex
Jokes:
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be
gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be
if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling
me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how
it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get
back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out
diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,
he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted
three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art
method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew
how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband 7 was in marketing; he had a nice product, he was never
sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I
miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Sex
Jokes:
Never say to a Man with a Small Dick-
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Stop fingering me and fuck me.
4. I'm sorry.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don't we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It's more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn't know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won't take long.
36. Let's just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you're done.
50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it's hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does this run in your family?
58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat??? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!!!
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Don't hold back.
71. Nevermind, why bother.
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