There
is this guy who has speech problems. he went out to the drug store
to get some gum. he asked the lady at the counter for some 'bum'.
she said you mean gum? the man said yes and bought the gum. then
he went to the department store to get a bucket. he asked the man
at the counter if the had any 'fuckets'. the man said, you mean
buckets? the man said yes, bought the bucket, and went to the pet
store to buy his daughter a puppy for her b-day. when he got there
he asked the lady at the counter if they had any 'cockandspankits'.
the lady said, you mean cockerspainelles? the man said yes, and
while he was paying for the puppy, another customer walked through
the door and the puppy ran outside. The man went to chase after
the puppy, he found the closest person and said, "Can you hold
my bum and fuckit while i go catch my cock and spank it?"
A
little girl and her dad were driving down the road. When they passed
an old woman's car, a dick landed on the windshield. The little
girl said, "what was that daddy?" The dad didn't want
to tell her what it really was so he lied and said it was a fly.
Then the little girl said, "that fly had a big dick."
A
man walks into a tattoo parlor and asks if the guy does $100 bills.
"Sure", says
the artist. "Where you want it?"
"Wrap it around
my prick", says the customer.
"Why do you want
it on your prick?" asked the tattoo artist.
"Three reasons",
replied the man thoughtfully, "
One, I like to play with
my money.
Two, I like watching
my money grow.
Three, my wife loves
to blow money."
There
was this family and they were too poor to buy food so this old man
went and shot them a squirrel...still had the bb's in it....
they ate and it was the
lil girls bedtime and the lil boy went outside...
one lil girl came down.....mommy mommy i peed a bb....thats good
hunny go back to bed........the other lil girl came down mommy mommy
i peed a bb..thats good hunny go back to bed....the lil boy came
in and said mommy mommy.....let me guess u peed a bb...
no i was jacking off in the back yard and shot the dog.
A
man goes to the doctor because he is bleeding whenever he tries
to shit. The doctor takes a look in his ass and say's, "I think
I have something for this but it has to be put in your rectum in
order for it to work." The man say's, "Whatever will stop
the bleeding, do it." He gives him the first dose and say's,
"Tomorrow, have your wife give you the second and final dosage
the same way that I have." The man thanks the doctor and rushes
home. The next day he gives his wife the medication and tells her
what she needs to do. As she is putting it in the man screams. "Oh
my god what did I do?" his wife asked. The man replies, "Nothing,
but I just noticed that when the doctor gave it to me, he had BOTH
hands on my shoulders!!!"
My
buddy Joe went to a small town outside of Phoenix last week. He
had fifteen bucks and desperately wanted to get laid. At the first
whorehouse, he was unsuccessful yet warned not to visit Sandy Sandpaper.
At the second, third, and fourth whorehouses he was as unsuccessful
as the first and duly warned. Still desperate for a quick lay, Joe
ultimately decided to pay a visit to Sandy Sandpaper. Joe knocked,
Sandy (a vivacious woman) opened the door, and she assured him that
fifteen dollars would suffice for the night. A few minutes into
the festivities, Sandy asked "how does it feel?" "A
little rough, like sandpaper" replied Joe.
"Just a minute" said Sandy as she made her way to the
bathroom.
After waiting a few minutes, Sandy emerged and she and Joe started
right where they had left off.
"Now how does it feel" asked Sandy.
"Terrific. What did you do" asked Joe, at the height of
his pleasure.
"Oh, I just picked the scabs and let it drain a little!"
There
is a guy working in a bar. One day, a guy comes in with a little
head and a body like Arnold Swarchnegger. The bartender asked the
guy what happened. The guy says,"I was walking through a garden,
and a super sexy fairy appears to grant me three wishes. My first
wish was to have a body like Arnold Swarchnegger. My second wish
was to make love to the fairy right next to a stream. After we had
sex, she said," you know you still have one more wish. After
that I said,"How bout a little head?
Dirty
Jokes Page 2 >
|
