Adult Jokes From Adult Everything

Things To Never Say To A Man With A Small Dick

admin — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 03:47:32 +0000

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Stop fingering me and fuck me.
4. I’m sorry.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don’t we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It’s more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.

Horny Cheerleaders

admin — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:38:27 +0000

Three horny cheerleaders decide to take their boyfriends to a hotel and get fucked. So they check in at the hotel and go to their rooms.

But their parents get worried for them and go looking for them. They find the hotel and go inside. They go up into the hallway and hear their girls.

From one room they hear a loud scream. They barge into the room and shout, “why are you screaming?”. The cheerleader replies, “because it hurts!”.

Then, in the next room they here giggling, so they bust into the room and shout, “why are you giggling?”. The cheerleader says, “because it tickles!”.

Then, the parents listen and listen, but can’t hear the last girl, so they ask the other two where she is. The girls show them to the last girl’s room, and kick down the door, to find the last of the girls still being fucked. Her parents ask her, “why the fuck weren’t you screaming, or giggling?”. The cheerleader imediately answered, “but you told me not to talk with my mouth full!”

Strange Woman

admin — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:36:54 +0000

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and say’s,” See that woman over there, she will give you a blow job and sing the National Anthem at the same time.” “No way,” the guy say’s. “oh yeah, and she only charges $20.” So he walks over and hands her a 20. She takes him into a back room and shuts off the light. As she starts to give him head, she also starts to sing. He couldn’t believe it, the words came out so clear that it was impossible. When she finished, he quickly flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.

Why A Bike Is Like Sex

admin — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:35:29 +0000

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It’s best to wear protective head gear when your going in unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it by yourself,but it’s not as much fun.
4. Once you learn you never forget how.
5. You don’t need any special clothing ,but you can if your really in to it.
6. make sure you got a firm grip.
7. Once your over the top you can just roast the rest of the way.
8. That’s why some of them are called mountain bikes.

She Married A Lawyer

admin — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:40:33 +0000

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband 7 was in marketing; he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

Pick up Lines

admin — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 03:32:04 +0000

- Hey baby why don’t you be my love buffet I’ll lay you on the table and take what I want.
- Will you play army men with me … So I can blow the hell out of you
- What do you say we’ll go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and I’ll multiply, It’s easy it’ll only take us all day.

- I can’t make a cherry pop but i sure know how to make a babnanna cream.
- I may not be Fred Flintstone ,but I bet I can make you bed rock
- Let’s do breakfast tomorrow should I call you ou nudge you?
- Yo baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, You treat me right And I’ll do it your way.

Creation Of The Pussy

admin — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 03:30:15 +0000

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

First Time Buying Condoms

admin — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 03:22:23 +0000

A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, “Umm… err, I’ve never purchased condoms before, and I don’t know what size to buy.” “That’s okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back.” So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it out and sticks it through the second hole where the teller begins to suck his penis and give him a blow job. Then, finally, he pulls it out and sticks it in the third hole. The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump it. She quickly pulls up her pants and scurries back inside where the man is begining to stumble back in. She starts to giggle and says, “Have you decided on the appropriate size?” “Screw the condoms! Just give me 3 yards of that fence!”

He’s Gotta Jerk Off

admin — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:19:55 +0000

There’s a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway. “What condition does he have?” the student asks. “He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder,” the doctor replies. “If he doesn’t obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he’ll pass into a coma.” The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall. As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse. “What about him?” the student asks. “What’s his story?” “Oh, it’s the same condition,” the doctor replies. “He just has a better health plan.”

Condom Joke

admin — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 03:19:01 +0000

What do a bungee jump and a whore have in common?
Theyre both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks youre a dead motherfucker!