1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It’s best to wear protective head gear when your going in unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it by yourself,but it’s not as much fun.
4. Once you learn you never forget how.
5. You don’t need any special clothing ,but you can if your really in to it.
6. make sure you got a firm grip.
7. Once your over the top you can just roast the rest of the way.
8. That’s why some of them are called mountain bikes.

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

One day the farmer saw his kid digging in the tool shed. He waited until the boy came out then asked him what he was doing. The boy had chicken wire in his hands, and replied I’m going chicken hunting papa.

The farmer just thought his son was crazy. then the boy came back an hour later and had 2 chickens on the chicken wire.

The farmer was dumb founded.

Then the boy came out with duck tape. an hour later he came back with 3 ducks.

The Farmer was in amazement. then the boy came out with pussy willows. the farmer yelled wait boy i’m coming with ya this time!”

There’s a marshal on the range in the late 1800’s who comes across this Indian reservation and decides to go to the saloon for a couple shots of whiskey and some Indian pussy for the night. After he took his drinks he asks the bartender where he could get some Indian pussy. He tells him and the marshal then finds himself in a room with this gorgeous Indian lady ready for him. During the session this Indian lady screams out ” EE KA!!! EE KA!!!” and the harder the marshal pushed the louder the screams got; “EE KA!!! EE KA!!!”

Later that evening the marshal finds himself back at the saloon and is watching a fine game of billiards. The man shooting was a big fellow with stalky arms; not someone to pick a fight with. It was the 8 ball and the cue left on the table. The big Indian shoots and the 8 ball rolls around and around and falls into a pocket. “EE KA!!! EE KA!!!” the man screams out looking very pissed off snapping his cue stick in half. Seeing this the marshal began to worry like what the fuck? EE KA!!! EE KA!!! what the fuck is that? So he asks the bartender,” What the hell does EE KA!!! EE KA!!! mean?” And do you know what the bartender said? “WRONG HOLE!!! WRONG HOLE!!!”

Little red riding hood was working in the woods on her why to her grama’s house. Out of the bushes jumps the Big bad wolf. The wolf said, “Littie red riding hood I’m going to make sweet slow love to you” Little red riding hood said, “Bullsh*t your going to eat me just like the book says!

My buddy Joe went to a small town outside of Phoenix last week. He had fifteen bucks and desperately wanted to get laid. At the first whorehouse, he was unsuccessful yet warned not to visit Sandy Sandpaper. At the second, third, and fourth whorehouses he was as unsuccessful as the first and duly warned.

Still desperate for a quick lay, Joe ultimately decided to pay a visit to Sandy Sandpaper. Joe knocked, Sandy (a vivacious woman) opened the door, and she assured him that fifteen dollars would suffice for the night. A few minutes into the festivities, Sandy asked “how does it feel?” “A little rough, like sandpaper” replied Joe.

“Just a minute” said Sandy as she made her way to the bathroom. After waiting a few minutes, Sandy emerged and she and Joe started right where they had left off.

“Now how does it feel” asked Sandy. “Terrific. What did you do” asked Joe, at the height of his pleasure.
“Oh, I just picked the scabs and let it drain a little!”