A mailman who had delievered mail to this neighborhood was finally retiring after 30 long years. So on his last day each house had little gifts for him to show him how much they cared, the first house he came to gave him a gift basket full off food, the next house gave him some baked goods and so on. Then he comes up to this one house and standing in the doorway is this gorgeous BLOND and she is wearing nothing but this little neglegie. She takes the mailman by the hand and leads him upstairs where she gives him the best and the longest sex that he has ever had. Man talk about every fantacy fullfilled. After that she takes him downstrairs and fixes him a wonderful breakfast. After he finishes he sees a dollar bill under his water glass so he asks about it. She says, well I was telling my husband that today was your last day and asked him what we should do for you and he says Screw Him, Give him a dollar.

Day1: A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum, “We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “yes dear”

Day 2: “We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “yes dear”

Day 3: “We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I’m a 36DD. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “No dear, it’s because your 25″

There was a blonde brunette and a red-head on a plane that was loosing altitude pretty fast but there were only 2 more parachutes left.

So the red-head goes…’What do we do, there’s only 2 more parachutes left?’

Then the brunette says,’ well i think i should get one parachute cos i have a cure for cancer.’

Then the red-head says,’ I think i should get a parachute cos i am going to be the next prime minister.’

The blonde however grabs a parachute out of the red-heads hands and jumps out of the plane.

The red-head then asks,’ what are we going to do now? there’s only one parachute left.’

The brunette replies, ‘Dont worry, we still have 2 parachutes. the idiot took my lunch box!’

Question: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
Answer: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”
“What do you mean?” said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.”
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.”
Then she touched her right earlobe. “Owww, even THAT hurts.”
The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“yes,” she said.
“I thought so,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.

Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she’s smiling.

So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she’s laughing.

He’s really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she’s laughing so hard, she’s about to fall down.

He demands, “What’s so funny?

She says, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.”

Two blondes are in a car. The one driving looks in the mirror and tells her friend, “Look, Betty. That’s me!”

Betty takes a look in the mirror and replies stubbornly, “No, stupid. It’s me!

Three blondes and a brunette are hanging off the edge of a cliff. If one of them doesn’t let go they will all go. Suddenly the brunette gives a speech explaining that she will sacrifice herself to save the others. The 3 blondes clapped..

This blonde came home from work one day and caught her husband screwing another woman so the blonde goes out and buys a gun goes back home walks in on her husband and puts the gun to her head and her husband said don’t do it hunny don’t do it the blonde said don’t worry motherfucker your next.

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,”Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

“$50″ she replies

The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man’s wife overheard their conversation and asked him is she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. “She should. She was standing on it”

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’ve finished already?” the man asked. “Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats.”Impressed the man reaches for the money. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a porch. It a Lexus.”

A blonde,redhead and a brunnete were waiting in the gynacoligists office,for there check-up.
The redhead says,”i heard that the position you always have sex in determine the sex of your baby’. redhead continues”since i was always on top , i’m having a boy.”

Then the brunnete says,”so i was always on the bottom, i must be having a girl.

Then they heard the blonde crying and the brunnete asked”whats the matter?”

Then the blonde replied,”i’m having puppies!”

A sherrif in a small town walks out on a street and sees a blonde cowboy walking down the street with nothing on but his boots, his hat and his gun, so the sherrif arrests him for indecent exposure. As the sherrif is locking him up he asks “Why in the world are you going around town nude?” The cowboy responds “Well, it’s like this sherrif. I was sitting in a bar, when a pretty redhead asked me to go to her motor home with her and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to take off my shirt…so I did. Then she takes off her skirt and asks me to take off my pants….so I did. Then she takes of her underwear and asks me to take mine off too..so I did. Then she crawls on the bed and gives me a funny look and says “Now go to town cowboy.” so here I am!

Why can’t a blonde dial 9-1-1?

She couldn’t find the 11 button.

One day a blonde brunnette and a red head approached a river full of sharks and crocodiles and they were trying to figure out a way to get across.

The red head (ranger) tried to swim across but she got eaten and then the brunnette tried to jump across but she didn’t make it and got eaten.

Then the blonde says ” I know ill use that bridge over there to make a boat to get across! “

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.

The blonde replies, ”I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to fuckin New York, you here me?!” Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, ”I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York damnit.”

The captain doesn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem.

He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde’s ear. She immediately gets up, says, ”Thank you so much.” hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, ”I just told her that the first class section isn’t going to New York.”

Two blondes were fixing up some things around their house. Blonde #1 would hammer the nails into the wall while blonde #2 passed the nails. Blonde #2 would reach into the sack of nails, and either give it to blonde #1 or throw it out. Blonde #1 said “Hey!!…Why are you throwing away perfectly good nails?” Blonde #2 says.. “Well its easy. If I pull out a nail and its pointing towards the wall then I give it to you. If its pointing the other direction, its defective.” Blonde # 1 says ” You Idiot!!!… If its pointing the other way its for the other side of the house!”

Question: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Answer: Because it kept falling out.