Blonde Jokes

School for blondes
Day1: A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum, "We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"

Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2: "We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"

Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3: "We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"

Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25"

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There was a bonde brunette and a red-head on a plane that was loosing altitude pretty fast but there were only 2 more parachuttes left.

So the red-head goes...'What do we do, theres only 2 more parachuttes left?'

Then the brunette says,' well i think i should get one parachute cos i have a cure for cancer.'

Then the red-head says,' I think i should get a parachutte cos i am going to be the next prime minister.'

The blonde however grabs a parachute out of the red-heads hands and jumps out of the plane.

The red-head then asks,' what are we going to do now? there's only one parachute left.'

The brunette replies, 'Dont worry, we still have 2 parachutes. the idiot took my lunch box!'

Question: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
Answer: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Owww, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny? She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Two blondes are in a car. The one driving looks in the mirror and tells her friend, "Look, Betty. That's me!" Betty takes a look in the mirror and replies stubbornly, "No, stupid. It's me!

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

"$50" she replies

The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man's wife overheard their conversation and asked him is she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. "She should. She was standing on it" A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" the man asked. "Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats."Impressed the man reaches for the money. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a porch. It a Lexus."

Three blondes and a brunette are hanging off the edge of a cliff. If one of them doesn't let go they will all go. Suddenly the brunette gives a speech explaining that she will sacrifice herself to save the others. The 3 blondes clapped........

This blonde came home from work one day and caught her husband screwing another woman so the blonde goes out and buys a gun goes back home walks in on her husband and puts the gun to her head and her husband said don't do it hunny don't do it the blonde said don't worry motherfucker your next.

A blonde,redhead and a brunnete were waiting in the gynacoligists office,for there check-up.
The redhead says,"i heard that the position you always have sex in determine the sex of your baby'. redhead continues"since i was always on top , i'm having a boy."
then the brunnete says,"so i was always on the bottom, i must be having a girl.
then they heard the blonde crying and the brunnete asked"whats the matter?"
blonde replied,"i'm having puppies!"

A sherrif in a small town walks out on a street and sees a blonde cowboy walking down the street with nothing on but his boots, his hat and his gun, so the sherrif arrests him for indecent exposure. As the sherrif is locking him up he asks "Why in the world are you going around town nude?" The cowboy responds "Well, it's like this sherrif. I was sitting in a bar, when a pretty redhead asked me to go to her motor home with her and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to take off my shirt...so I did. Then she takes off her skirt and asks me to take off my pants....so I did. Then she takes of her underwear and asks me to take mine off too..so I did. Then she crawls on the bed and gives me a funny look and says "Now go to town cowboy." so here i am!

Why can't a blonde dial 9-1-1?

She couldn't find the 11

One day a blonde brunnette and a red head approached a river full of sharks and crocodiles and they were trying to figure out a way to get across. The red head (ranger) tried to swim across but she got eaten and then the brunnette tried to jump across but she didn't make it and got eaten. Then the blonde says " I know ill use that bridge over there to make a boat to get across! "

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