A mailman who had delievered mail to this neighborhood was finally retiring after 30 long years. So on his last day each house had little gifts for him to show him how much they cared, the first house he came to gave him a gift basket full off food, the next house gave him some baked goods and so on. Then he comes up to this one house and standing in the doorway is this gorgeous BLOND and she is wearing nothing but this little neglegie. She takes the mailman by the hand and leads him upstairs where she gives him the best and the longest sex that he has ever had. Man talk about every fantacy fullfilled. After that she takes him downstrairs and fixes him a wonderful breakfast. After he finishes he sees a dollar bill under his water glass so he asks about it. She says, well I was telling my husband that today was your last day and asked him what we should do for you and he says Screw Him, Give him a dollar.

If your wife is banging on the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?

The dog because at least he shuts the fuck up when he gets inside.

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and asks if the guy does $100 bills.

“Sure”, says the artist. “Where you want it?”

“Wrap it around my prick”, says the customer.

“Why do you want it on your prick?” asked the tattoo artist.

“Three reasons”, replied the man thoughtfully, ”

One, I like to play with my money.

Two, I like watching my money grow.

Three, my wife loves to blow money.”

A guy goes on to a ship to sail for work, but he notices no women on board so he runs to the captain, “Capt. capt.! There’s no women on board what will be do for pleasure?

Captain: Don’t worry me laddie just stick your dick in that barrel and everything will be alright.

So after a few weeks at sea the guy sticks his dick in the barrel and gets a wonderful sensation so he does this every day after that, untill one day he sticks his dick in the barrel and nothing happens so he runs to the cpat. and says:

“Capt capt! I stuck my dick in the barrel and nothing happed!”

Captain: Oh I forgot to tell you laddie its your turn in the barrel!

Day1: A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum, “We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “yes dear”

Day 2: “We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “yes dear”

Day 3: “We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I’m a 36DD. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “No dear, it’s because your 25″

There was a blonde brunette and a red-head on a plane that was loosing altitude pretty fast but there were only 2 more parachutes left.

So the red-head goes…’What do we do, there’s only 2 more parachutes left?’

Then the brunette says,’ well i think i should get one parachute cos i have a cure for cancer.’

Then the red-head says,’ I think i should get a parachute cos i am going to be the next prime minister.’

The blonde however grabs a parachute out of the red-heads hands and jumps out of the plane.

The red-head then asks,’ what are we going to do now? there’s only one parachute left.’

The brunette replies, ‘Dont worry, we still have 2 parachutes. the idiot took my lunch box!’

Question: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
Answer: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”
“What do you mean?” said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.”
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.”
Then she touched her right earlobe. “Owww, even THAT hurts.”
The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“yes,” she said.
“I thought so,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”