One
day the farmer saw his kid digging in the tool shed. He waited until
the boy came out then asked him what he was doing. The boy had chicken
wire in his hands, and replied "I'm going chicken hunting papa.
The farmer just thought
his son was crazy. then the boy came back an hour later and had
2 chickens on the chicken wire.
The farmer was dumb founded.
Then the boy came out
with duck tape. an hour later he came back with 3 ducks.
The Farmer was
in amazment. then the boy came out with pussy willows. the farmer
yelled "wait boy i'm comming with ya this time!"
-----------------------
One
day in the future, Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here",says the devil. "You
are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have
to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got a couple of
folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them
go, but you have to take their place... I'll even let YOU decide
who leaves." Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so he
agreed. The devil opened the first room; in it was Richard Nixon
and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty
handed -- over and over and over.
Such was his fate in
hell. "No," bin Laden said."I don't think so. I'm
not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to
the next room; in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room
full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time
after time.
"No, I've got this
problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I
could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama Bin Laden.
The devil opened a third
door. In it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his
arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a
spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what
she does best.
Osama bin Laden looked
at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I
can handle this."
The devil smiled and
said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go.
There's
a marshal on the range in the late 1800's who comes across this
Indian reservation and decides to go to the saloon for a couple
shots of whiskey and some Indian pussy for the night. After he took
his drinks he asks the bartender where he could get some Indian
pussy. He tells him and the marshal then finds himself in a room
with this gorgous Indian lady ready for him. During the session
this Indian lady screems out " EE KA!!! EE KA!!!" and
the harder the marshal pushed the louder the screems got; "EE
KA!!! EE KA!!!"
Later that evening the
marshal finds himself back at the saloon and is watching a fine
game of billiards. The man shooting was a big fellow with stalky
arms; not someone to pick a fight with. It was the 8 ball and the
cue left on the table. The big Indian shoots and the 8 ball rolls
around and around and falls into a pocket. "EE KA!!! EE KA!!!"
the man screams out looking very pissed off snapping his cue stick
in half. Seeing this the marshal began to worry like what the fuck?
EE KA!!! EE KA!!! what the fuck is that?So he asks the bartender,"What
the hell does EE KA!!! EE KA!!! mean?" And do you know what
the bartender said? "WRONG HOLE!!! WRONG HOLE!!!"
Adult
Jokes
a farmer has over 800 laying chickens. But one day his
rooster dies. The farmer goes to the bird store to get a new rooster.
The clerk gave him a huge rooster and said it would do the job.
The farmer goes home, throws the rooster in with the chickens. The
rooster rides one, then dies. The farmer goes back to the store
and demands a new rooster. The clerk hands him and even bigger rooster
than before and says it will do the job for sure. The guy goes home,
throws the rooster in with the chickens. The rooster rides one,
then dies.
By now the farmer
is pissed off. He goes to the store and demands a new rooster. The
clerk gives him the scrawniest chicken ever! The guy didnt have
a choice so he goes home, throws the rooster in with the chickens.
The rooster rode all them chickens twice before the farmer grabbed
him. he threw the rooster in the shed till morning.The next morning
the guy goes to the shed only to find that the rooster had drilled
through. He found all his chickens tired, his dog cowering in the
corner, and his horses all limping. The guy gets scared thinking
about the neibouring farm. He finds the rooster flat on his back
near the road, two vultures circling over head. The farmer goes
to check on the rooster, when suddenly it opened its eyes and said
''man fuck off you'll scare em away
Two british adventurer's were walking through a vast jungle
in Africa. They get lost and soon find themselves captured by a
tribe of natives. The leader of the tribe says to the tied up men
"You have two options. Death, or unga bunga. Choose now."
The first explorer says to the leader "I geuss..I'll take unga
bunga." So they untie the first explorer and strip him naked
and bend him over. Then every man in the village has their way with
him. The leader looks to the second explorer and says "Which
do you choose, death or unga bunga?" The second explorer responds
"I'm not stupid! I'll take death!" So the tribe leader
then says "OK! Death by unga bunga."
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles
lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air.
She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he
said, as gently as he could,
"I'm afraid Piddles
is dead, Lucy."
"So why are his
legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?"
asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something
to say the father replied, "Piddles'
legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be
easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg
and lift Piddles up to heaven."
Little Lucy seemed to
take her Piddles' death quite well.
However, two days later when her father came home from work,
Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this
morning."
Fearing something terrible
had happened the father shook the
girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"
"Well",
mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning
I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she
was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!"
and if it
hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would
definitely have gone, Daddy".
Adult
Jokes Page 2 >
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